Ask about our child, or if you knew them share memories you have of them – it makes our heart smile. Give us opportunities to talk about them. Try to use their name.

Acknowledge, remember and include them. This might look like continuing to write their name in our Christmas card, sending us a love heart on their anniversary, or including them if you mention how many children we have. Understand that they will always be part of our family.

Make an effort. It’s recognised even if it’s not needed at that particular time. We’ll know you’re there when we need you. Saying or doing something is always better than avoiding the subject.

Try to be normal around us. When my son died one of the school mums asked if my other son would like to go round for tea. The normality was such a relief.

You can’t fix it so just be there to listen. Don’t be afraid of tears, talking about them gives us comfort.

Don’t say anything that starts with “at least”. This includes “at least you have another child” or “at least they aren’t suffering anymore”. This feels like minimising our pain.

Don’t say anything that implies that we should move on after a certain amount of time – we simply can’t. Don’t say “time is a great healer” or “it will get better in time”.

Don’t compare our loss to losing a grandparent or a pet. Unless you have suffered the loss of a child you can’t understand how it feels.

Don’t impose a religious belief and tell us “God has other plans for them” or “everything happens for a reason”. We know you mean to comfort us, but this isn’t helpful.

Don’t take the easy option and say nothing. Don’t change or avoid the subject. People have crossed over the road to avoid us – we always notice. Please try hard not to act awkward.